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Smashcrash
"-internal screaming-" Smashcrash is a neutral character in the Stuff Store Alternative Universe. They are the androgynous, test-tube baby younger sibling of Bashsmash, and also totally bonkers. They were the former owner of the Hellyeahgoddamnitbullshittitsbitchmyassfoulassasshatbitchshitassclown, and they worked closely with the Repo Man, stepping in to take over whenever the Repo Man was sick or away on business. They were antagonistic towards Austin at first, because they worked for Fatima, but after Fatima's death, they became less antagonistic and more helpful. In their own way. Personality A trainwreck. Smashcrash is jumpy, neurotic, high-strung, and apologetic, almost the exact opposite of the Repo Man or their brother, the relatively stable Bashsmash. If you so much as unexpectedly cough in their presence, Smashcrash is immediately on the offensive, whipping out all sorts of weapons they manage to keep in their robes... somehow. Their nervousness can be attributed to many factors, like their very dangerous, very action-packed job, or their fear of Fatima (their fear of basically fucking everything, but especially of Fatima), or even their tentative knowledge of time travel and timelines. But whatever the case, the fact remains: they're a nervous wreck, and willing to jump into violence if they find it necessary. After Dave's appropriation of the Hellyeah, and Fatima's eventual demise at the hands of the Hellyeah (and John's unstoppable rage), Smashcrash starts to mellow out a little; now that they and the Repo Man don't have to hunt for sternums anymore, they instead become "freelance cops", or mercenaries that take out criminals; sometimes, they work with VPT. When Smashcrash is removed from an atmosphere of violence, they are polite, civil, and sophisticated, albeit jumpy and timid. They have a strong relationship with their big brother Bashsmash, and they tend to be the defensive one rather than the other way around; Bashsmash still dotes on Smashcrash regardless, so it's a mutual thing. Relationships Bashsmash: Smashcrash is Bashsmash's greatest creation. Smashcrash was created by Bashsmash so that he could finally have a little sibling (when pointed out by John that it would technically make Bashsmash the father, he got confused). Even though the two are polar opposites in personality and appearance (Smashcrash is thin, lanky, and androgynous, whereas Bashsmash is buff, stocky, and manly), there's no doubt they're family. Bashsmash raises Smashcrash on his own, and they turn out just fine. A lot of Smashcrash's positive aspects can be attributed to Bashsmash's influence, and a lot of their negative aspects can be attributed to Fatima's influence. Smashcrash is incredibly protective of Bashsmash, to the point of being overbearing, but Bashsmash innocently thinks of their attitude as "teen stuff". Fatima: Fatima trained Smashcrash to be the secondary Repo Man from a young age, and was basically the mother figure in Smashcrash's life, but let there be no doubt about it - they hate that bitch. Smashcrash lives in a constant state of terror thanks to Fatima's presence - whether they like it or not, they see her often, considering she's Bashsmash's employer as well. Smashcrash does their job as the would-be Repo Man largely because they fear Fatima's wrath, and also for Bashsmash's safety. When Smashcrash hears about Fatima's demise, they celebrate by shooting the corpse of Fatima over and over again, as well as blowing it up, beating it, dancing on it, and teabagging it, in that order. Repo Man: Their partner-in-crime and confidant. The Repo Man has, over the course of many years, helped train Smashcrash, teaching them the ways of the sternum (and the repossession thereof). Their relationship is very professional and personal - the Repo Man doesn't like Fatima any more than Smashcrash does, and he has agreed to watch over and protect Bashsmash in case something happens. Even after Fatima dies and the two of them aren't required to work together anymore, they do so anyway, dedicating their skills to destroying criminals instead of just sternum loaners. It's possible the Repo Man knows what Smashcrash's true gender is, but he has been remarkably silent on the issue. Dave: At first, they were terrified of Dave, and a little spiteful as well. He was the one that had managed to rip Ripfury and curb-stomp the unstompable Cap Aforgl, and he had the help and protection of one of the world's best sorceresses. When Dave came to collect the legendary sniper rifle Hellyeah, the only weapon capable of defeating Fatima, Smashcrash gave him hell for it, tearing Dave to pieces and generally wrecking his shit. After Bashsmash confirmed Dave was cool, and a friend of his, Smashcrash loaned the Hellyeah to Dave, admitting they hated Fatima, too. Smashcrash became a little more friendly around Dave, but they aren't adverse to, say, pulling a knife on him at random. Sometimes. Vadina: Smashcrash is okay with Vadina, but they don't like it when Vadina wields her staff in their presence. It's implied Smashcrash gave Vadina some information about time travel and the nature of timelines, and even helped build Vadina's time machine with their big brother. Ripfury: Ripfury worked for Fatima, serving as her Enforcer. Smashcrash admits that Ripfury's forceful, humorless personality terrified them to some extent, but they seemed to like him otherwise, mentioning that Ripfury was, all in all, pretty respectful and courteous to Smashcrash and the Repo Man. They even bring up Ripfury's death when they confront Dave for the first time, saying they shouldn't have done that. Trivia * Nobody has ever been able to figure out Smashcrash's biological sex, if there is one. Even Elina, who has dirt on everybody, hasn't a clue. The greatest minds of the world remain thoroughly confused. Piratan considered watching over Smashcrash and seeing which bathroom they walked into, but Dave pointed out that futas exist, as do transgender folk. When asked what gender Smashcrash was, Bashsmash answered with: "Sibling!" When asked about what's in Smashcrash's pants, Bashsmash replied: "Probably underwear!" Smashcrash doesn't make a big deal out of it themselves - when asked by Zlealf, their uninvolved respond was: "If you think I'm a boy, I'm a boy. If you think I'm a girl, I'm a girl. Not much to it. My gender is... Smashcrash." * It's not very clear who the Regular Universe counterparts of Bashsmash and Smashcrash are. Bashsmash's role as a dumb scientist could make him the counterpart of either Ian or Hiss, but Bashsmash's and Smashcrash's true relationship (creator and creation respectively) make them pretty similar to Adam and Frank, albeit with a lot more affection and care involved.